History Lesson (and AC’s Mailbag)
By A.C. Guillermo
Back in January before the Rolex 24, I was sitting in the Hooters on International Speedway Boulevard, across from the World Center of Racing, writing some notes for my next column on why the ALMS sucks. I heard these two guys sitting across from me, talking about sports car racing.
What idiots! These whiners were complaining about the Grand-Am series and Daytona International Speedway. They were saying “The cars were slow and ugly and the track staff was unfriendly and ambivalent.” That is exactly why Grand-Am is looking to NASCAR fans for support, not the traditional road racing whiners.
I think its time for a history lesson. Just to refresh your memory, sports car racing was invented by the France family in the 1960s. It flourished for much of the 60s and early 70s. After a brief lull in the 70s, it came back strong thanks to IMSA and Camel cigarettes. But in the early 90s, technology ruined the series (sound familiar, ALMS fans?). Sports car racing got back on its feet around 1995 when Andy Evans came on the scene. His rational approach to road racing and keen management skills were on the verge of putting the sport back on track. But despite widespread popular support, Evans departed. Then came those upstarts from Braselton, Georgia.
Dr. P decided that Le Mans was the way to go. Bring the cars and stars of the over-rated French enduro to America. Excuse me while I yawn.
Fortunately, the road racing experts at ISC and a car dealership in Jacksonville realized this whole “Le Mans affiliation” idea was the wrong road to take, so they created the Grand-American Road Racing Association. As you know, anything coming out of the ISC is a sure winner. Hence, the beautiful Daytona Prototype was born. They saved the real fans the agony of having to watch Le Mans prototypes and complicated four-class racing.
So anyway, there I was in Hooters, listening to these idiots complain about Grand-Am. Then they started bashing NASCAR!!! I mean, come on, they must be communists, or Mac users, or something!!! NASCAR is the greatest sports entity ever. They invented template cars with carburetors, decal headlights, the lucky dog rule, contrived controversies, fans standing on the third lap and holding three fingers in the air, yellow flags for invisible debris, and the highly popular throw bottles and cans at Jeff Gordon tradition.
So then these two guys, after bashing NASCAR, started ragging on the Daytona International Speedway security staff. Well ‘ol A.C. is getting really tired of this topic. Let me give you wimpy “traditional sports car fans” some advice. It is about time you got a dose of some REAL race track discipline. There is too much freedom at Sebring and Road Atlanta (never been to those tracks but the ISC folks have told me all I needed to know). It is your privilege to be at Daytona, not your right. If the DIS Security staff wants you to walk an extra 700 yards to a gate far from where you need to go, that’s just too bad. If they say you can’t park somewhere, even though you just paid to do so, get over it. If they ask you to do 50 pushups, then you better drop and get to work.
So finally, I couldn’t resist. I asked these two whiners, “so what do you suggest to make the Rolex 24 better.”
“Run it at Sebring,” was their smart-ass response.
But you know what, they’ll be back at the World Center of Racing. They might not realize it yet, but they WILL become Grand-Am fans. Pretty soon they won’t have a choice.
A.C.
(A.C. is on the road to Watkins Glen, but he’s a popular recipient of emails from his adoring fans. Here are a few the Bear decided are acceptable for posting. -Murphy-)
“I own three Chia Pets, and I resent their comparison to the evil ALMS,”
- H.H., Jacksonville, FL
“I believe global warming caused the very unfortunate SunTrust transporter incident.”
- A. Gore, TN
“Reading your column and polishing my motorcycles are my two favorite things in the world.”
- R.E. Daytona Beach, FL
“I really like your column. That Milka Duno is one hot babe. And CITGO fuel rocks. The France family and I have a lot of common goals. I hope they succeed in nationalizing auto racing.”
- H. Chavez, Venezuela
“Those big bug sculptures at Barber are way too scary.”
- H.H., Jacksonville, FL
“A.C., we couldn’t agree with you more about spectators. They are a very over-rated part of road racing. So what if Sebring crowds are always three times what we have at the Rolex 24. Fewer fans means less garbage for us to pick up after.”
- DIS Maintenance Department.
“Anyone want to buy some old Danka decals?”
- W.T., Altamonte Springs, FL
“I like the way Grand-Am and NASCAR pressure teams not to compete in the ALMS. Power is a good thing when in the right hands.”
- T.G., Indianapolis, IN
“A.C., your columns are great. You can keep that loaner Pontiac as long as you want.”
- R.E., Daytona Beach, FL
“I agree with you - Le Mans is so boring. And the horn that blows every time a car enters the pits really annoys the crap out of me.”
- G.K., Daytona Beach, FL
June 3rd, 2008 at 10:29 pm
You’re a genius A.C.. Don’t you think it’s about time you got a blog of your own? You don’t see Grand-Am shaming itself by sharing race weekends with the ALMS do you? Imagine all the sponsors that would be pressured to put their names on your site!
By the way, who is G.K.?
June 5th, 2008 at 9:45 pm
I was a ‘guest’ at DIS about 3 years ago.(almost unlimited access, press rooms, garages, porta potties, we got to even go up on top of the suites) We were taking pictures through the fence and I almost got thrown out by the security staff the day we arrived. (Thursday prior to the Rolex) Traveled all the way from Washington State and dang near got ejected within the first hour. I know all about those security guards.