murphythebear.com

by A.C. Guillermo

Having grown up on Long Island, and having attended my first race at Bridgehampton in 1966, it is a joy to have a new track in the Northeast. And having the stellar Grand-Am Series visit New Jersey is even better.

Having missed VIR, I was glad to be at Thunderbolt. Well, sort of.  The race turned out to be a wet and wild spinfest. And yes, it was a record crowd. The “Record Crowd” press releases have already been written for the remaining races of the season, to counter the false claims by the ALMS that there are virtually no fans at Grand-Am races. Once the press release goes out, attendance will no longer be a problem!  These NASCAR PR guys are absolutely brilliant!

I remember back in the day when Big Bill France was the guy behind John Bishop and IMSA. NASCAR essentially owned IMSA back then, and now history is repeating itself. The France family is again in control of road racing in North America! The Nicotine Patch induced infatuation with Le Mans, technology and “World Class Racing” is being pulverized with fender-banging, low-tech, spec car road racing designed for the competitors, not the fans. Finally, some sanity!

I ran into my good friend Katrina Flood at New Jersey, which surprised me because she is an ALMS apologist. Anyway, we had a spirited conversation on the future of the ALMS (assuming there is one). I have been assured by NASCAR that the ALMS does not have a future, but she would not listen. She had some silly idea about the two series running together now and then, for the benefit of the fans. Silly Katrina, I hope you are reading this- the fans don’t get a vote.  When will you learn that NASCAR decides what is best for sports car racing fans?

Anyway, back to my thoughts on New Jersey. I have heard some rumblings about too much rough driving in the Rolex Series. Please remember that NASCAR owns the series, and they know that wrecks are good for the series. Racing is entertainment, and NASCAR fully intends on making sports car racing just like oval racing.

New Jersey was a great event, probably the best Grand-Am race ever. Did I mention the record crowd?

 Rumor Control Department

ABSOLUTELY NOT TRUE:

Grand-Am is changing its name to the Patrick Dempsey Road Racing Association.

NASCAR Nationwide and Truck Series participants, and ISC shareholders, are furious over NASCAR’s wasting money in road racing, while neglecting their struggling series.

The Grand-Am Series is North America’s most successful vintage racing series.

The Grand-Am tech inspection scales were calibrated by Stevie Wonder.

Scott Pruett invented the internet with the help of Al Gore.

All DP owners are required to buy extended warranties through US Fidelis, the national warranty scam with Rusty Wallace as spokesman.

Certain ISC executives call Grand-Am “NASCAR’s cancer.”

The prize money at New Jersey was instead used to repair the fence at Talladega.

ISC revenues were down double-digits in the first quarter due to poor sales of  the Grand-Am Yearbook.

The Riley that won this year’s Rolex 24 was built in 1979.

ISC have offered Tony George 5 Rolex watches, a free Dale Carnegie public speaking  course, a signed Wayne Taylor SunTrust Racing Team hat and $2 million cash to have a Grand-Am 24 Hours of Indy race next year.

NASCAR employees lovingly call a transfer to the Grand-Am Series as a transfer to “the Russian front.”

TRUE:

23 manufacturers have applied to build DP chassis once the ALMS goes out of business.

The Koni series really does exist.

Scott Pruett invented the internet without Al Gore’s help.

Tags: Al Gore, Bill France, Grand Am, John Bishop, Katrina Flood, NASCAR, Patrick Dempsey, Riley, Rusty Wallace, Scott Pruett, Stevie Wonder, Sun Trust, Talladega, Thunderbolt, Tony George

This entry was posted on Sunday, May 10th, 2009 at 9:00 pm and is filed under A. C. Guillermo, Parody. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.